The use of traditional leadership concepts in the modern Navy is a flawed idea. The Navy no longer utilizes a traditional structure; it’s now structured around a business model. During the Navy’s inception, leadership was a quality found in a … Continue reading Tradition and Leadership in the Navy
I was never stationed on a carrier or a submarine, so I only dealt with “Nukes” (Navy Nuclear Engineers) while on liberty. The impression that I gleaned from these encounters was a sailor that was either very arrogant or completely burnt out. I spent many nights at “sailor town” bars and had many awkward encounters. I once told by one Nuke that I would never get paid as much as him; the lack of social awareness was astounding. In another instance a sailor stated: “we’re Nukes, we’re smarter than you”, while leaving a bar. There were exceptions though; one of … Continue reading How Are Navy Nukes Viewed In The Navy?
Well, life was a struggle for a long time. From 6th to 7th grade I was bullied so much for my weight that I developed body dysmorphia, which lasted until my mid-twenties. Over time I learned to accept that my … Continue reading What Happened to the Weird Kid From High School?
In October 2014 I received an e-mail from Bank of America, thanking me for my recent electronic payment toward my credit card. I didn’t have an account with Bank of America and hadn’t since I was 19. It had actually … Continue reading What’s The Most Dishonest Thing You’ve Witnessed a Family Member Do?
My ex was a Filipina nurse living in Japan while I was stationed there in the U.S. Navy. She was 33 and I was 25 and she had a daughter. She was convinced I was cheating on her throughout our … Continue reading Silliest Breakup I Ever Went Through
I spent my 28th birthday in the hospital.
I was with a group of some new friends I had made at my university and we were all going out to eat Yakiniku – which is a popular Japanese meal that consists of choosing various meats and cooking over a small gas grill – which was pretty frustrating for me considering the fact that I had just started on a vegetarian diet and wouldn’t have been able to eat the majority of the food.
Prior to this day, I noticed that I was having a lot of trouble focusing in my classes and felt lightheaded when I was talking in large groups of people. I had also been drinking very heavily and opting to go on long solitary walks from the university back to my apartment which would last from 4 to 5 hours long.
During these walks I would have long crying spells, then during the days leading up to my birthday, I started screaming out loud and was having very delusional thoughts.
On the day of my birthday, the birthday plans began with a complaint when I expressed interest in going to Karaoke. Then it was decided without my input that we would go to Yakiniku. I didn’t want to go to a Yakiniku, nor did I want to hang out with a large group of people. I wanted to go drinking in Yokosuka with my old friends, but I was trying to break away from my old lifestyle and try new things.
While we were on the train, I read an e-mail from my mom and my heart started racing.
As we were going through the train station I went into my “dream world”, which is a sensation I had been experiencing since I was a child where I’ll start feeling like I’m dreaming. I now know this to be derealization/depersonalization. I always assumed it was because I felt tired. A unique sensation began to occur as an adult wherein I would get the “startled” sensation repeatedly and feel like I was choking. These were my first symptoms.
I tried to hide this sensation from the group, but I started feeling scared and my friend asked me if I was okay because he saw me rubbing my temples. He asked me if I had eaten that day and bought I might be experiencing hypoglycemia. I ate a small bag of cheese crackers and we exited out of the station.
Need Help With Your Editing? Learn More HereContinue reading “My First Panic Attack (Navy, Mental Illness and Music Pt. 2)”
Although I am still an incredibly small Youtuber, I do feel that I’ve had a bit of an interesting journey so far. I uploaded my first two YouTube videos on my original channel back in late 2012 to show the … Continue reading Why did I start my YouTube channel? (Navy, Mental Illness and Music Pt. 1)