The first time I became convinced the next prophet of God I was ten years old.
Started dressing as Moses, read the entire Bible, would watch nothing but religious movies; even started writing the next book of the Bible.
I was doing it because we just moved from my hometown, I’m autistic so I didn’t know how to make NEW friends, my sister had her own nervous breakdown and started randomly screaming weird/scary things at me, and I was playing Final Fantasy VII non-stop. In the game there was a summon called Titan, the Earth god.
He was big and strong. Invincible. I didn’t have a father figure, I only had a “dad”, so I started telling myself it didn’t matter what people said to me or called me, because I was the God of the Earth. This is Psychotic behavior.
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During my sister’s first Psychotic episode she told me I was born in hell, she lived in the lake near our house, if my dad ever stuck HIS dick in HER mom again she would kill him, then sat crying outside my parents room begging my dad to stop holding her mom hostage; my parents weren’t home. I then sat watching Hey Arnold to the backdrop of her crying in the background thinking to myself: pretty sure that was fucked up, lol.
When my parents came home I bursted our crying and my dad was furious, because she implied I wasn’t HIS son. Ownership. I me mine.
My dad would always talk about how she’s be such a great stripper, then when she became a stripper and a prostitute, my entire family disowned her. Family values, parenting. This happened in a “first world” country, imagine what happens elsewhere. Really imagine, don’t feel sympathy. Empathy. My story is not unique.
The last time I became convinced I was the next prophet of God was for the last couple weeks up until my birthday, when my friends brought me back to Earth.
I’m 31 years old, 6 feet tall, and weigh 250 pounds, yet when I got scared I return to being a terrified little 10 year old. This is the reason I have a Final Fantasy VII tattoo on my right tit. It reminds me of my past, yet gives me strength. My story is not unique, everyone has their own hell to express.
It’s interesting how interesting how damaging definitions can be. The pejorative often used for this type of behavior is being a “psycho”. I am a “psycho”, my sister was a “psycho”. The problem lies in the fact that this same term is used for any type of aberrant behavior: the bully at school is not Psychotic…they’re an asshole. The most fitting term would likely be Psychopath.
Linking psychosis with psychopathy creates the automatic connection in someone’s mind that psychosis is linked to violent behavior. This creates a stigma against mental illness.
NOT talking about mental health only creates more problems.
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